


At Arm's Length

by Noyuuki



Category: Major (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post Little League Arc, So slight canon divergence, Thought experiment of how things might have been if Komori and Sawamura had visited Goro in Fukuoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 17:37:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14857175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noyuuki/pseuds/Noyuuki
Summary: Shortly after Goro broke his right shoulder, Komori and Sawamura come visit him in Fukuoka, unaware of his condition.All three of them are still dealing with Goro's sudden departure. All three of them have their own insecurities about the future.And as their lives once again overlap, they attempt to move forward again. Reluctant as they might be...





	At Arm's Length

„Goro, your friends are here!“

Wanting to be more excited than he was, Goro reluctantly peeled himself off the floor where he had been absentmindedly reading manga and headed towards his room's door.

He knew that they were going to visit today. In the few letters that they exchanged since he left, they often asked him if they could. He wasn't even sure how they got his address. Maybe coach Ando told them.

The question was easy enough to dodge while they were all still busy with their respective tournaments. Now however, it was an entirely different story. Both of their teams lost. And in addition to that, Goro had more free time than he had ever wanted.  
The last letter arrived on the day of the game against Yokohama Little. And while the prospect of seeing his old friends again was appealing by itself, Goro just wanted to run away from everything that reminded him of the dream that broke along with his shoulder.

He put off answering for over a week. But in the end his mom convinced him to say yes.

 _What's the harm in seeing them? They_ _a_ _re even willing to travel all the way_ _to Fukuoka_ _!_

He had no rebuttal. None that he wanted to say out loud. Leaving them just after their team got to last year's semi-finals hurt. But seeing them now was almost certainly going to be just as painful.

Trying to hide his mixed feelings, Goro casually jogged down the stairs to the entrance where Komori and Sawamura were putting down their bags.

“Honda!” his former teammate exclaimed happily as soon as he saw him.

“Yo, Komori. Long time no see,” Goro answered nonchalantly.

Once downstairs, he leaned against the railing, his hands in his pockets while silently mustering his friends from a distance.

“What, not gonna say hello to me? I also traveled eight hours to get here, you know!”

More than ever Goro realized how much he had missed those two.

“Heh, now that you're Mifune Little's ace pitcher you're my rival aren't you, Sawamura?”

The other boy blushed, seemingly uncomfortable with the remark.

“N-no, I mean... Even rivals can greet each other...”

“It's good to see you, Honda,” Komori jumped in still visibly excited.

“Yeah, it's good to see you too,” Goro replied feeling some of his anxiety dissolve as the two of them somehow made him feel more at home than he had felt in weeks.  
“Both of you,” he added giving Sawamura a friendly slap on the back.

“How have you been? I wish we could have played each other at nationals! But we couldn't even get there... I couldn't even see any of your games and-”

“Whoa whoa, easy there. Why don't you come in first. Here, I'll carry this!”

Goro swiftly threw one of his friend's bags over his left shoulder and headed back upstairs, leading them to his room.

“Your house is um, really spacious,” Goro heard Sawamura mutter as he followed him upstairs.

“Yeah, we're gonna need it now that I'll have a brother.”

“You'll what?!”

Goro couldn't help but smile. He had cut himself off from other people for the last few weeks so it came a bit as a surprise how easily others seemed to pull him out of his gloomy thoughts. And with every step, the weight on his shoulders seemed to get a little lighter.

“Huh, didn't I mention?”

“No you didn't!”

 

Even if the house was fairly big, it wasn't huge. Just enough room for a small family. Goro's room was much the same. Big enough but nothing extraordinary.  
His mom had already put two extra futons in his room this morning; folded neatly on the floor next to Goro's. He put down the bag he was carrying, feeling a slight sting in his right shoulder despite his efforts not to put any strain on it. The other two followed suit and awkwardly stood in the entrance until Goro told them to just relax.

“So how far did you get in the tournament?”

There were other things Goro wanted to ask. But part of him was genuinely curious how well his old team did without him.

“Up until Yokohama Little. But it really wasn't the same as last time...” Komori quietly said looking down at the floor as he spoke.

“Yeah, we kind of got through the other games with our fielding but that just wasn't enough against Yokohama,” Sawamura added.

“But you still must have won a couple of games then! That's great!”

Goro felt like he was in no position to cheer the others up, but all the same he didn't want to drag down the mood.

“Yeah, the whole team was really motivated to get to nationals to meet you again. Although that was actually thanks to Toshiya.”

“Toshi?” Goro asked surprisedly.

“Yeah, we met him by chance before our first game. When we lost against Yokohama Little I told him to play against you in our place but I haven't seen him since then.”

Komori didn't outright form the question but Goro still knew what he meant to ask.

_So did you meet each other?'_

Also curious about the unspoken question, Sawamura weighed in.

“I heard Hakata Little got to nationals as well, so you did play them right?”

Goro shifted in his seat trying to hide his discomfort.

“Yeah, they're the ones who kicked us out of nationals actually. Wish I could have gone up against Toshi but I hurt myself in the finals and couldn't pitch much that game,” he said trying to laugh off the half truth he just told his friends.

They remained silent for a moment. The mention of his injury seemed to have raised some questions, but Goro wasn't sure if he even wanted to answer any of them.

“Want to play some catch? I need to see how much you improved, Sawamura!” Goro ultimately said to shift the conversation away from the game against Yokohama Little, and by extent: his injury.  
If he was being honest with himself, Goro also really wanted to play catch with Komori and Sawamura again. Even though he didn't know just how much of the playing he could really do himself.

 

It hadn't been much more than a few weeks since he last stood on a baseball field but the sound of a baseball hitting a glove already sounded awfully nostalgic.  
For the time being, Goro took the role of an observer under the pretense to coach Sawamura. Although it didn't stay a pretense for long and soon enough it became more pitching practice than playing catch.

“Alright, you're form's gotten better,” Goro said after Sawamura had thrown a few pitches. He could practically see the other boy's confidence rise at his remark; “But you're still pretty inconsistent with it.”

Similarly his addition deflated said confidence again but Goro did his best to follow up with some constructive pointers to make up for it.  
His desire to pitch grew by the second but even just observing and coaching the others, remotely being involved in baseball again, made him happy.

“Honda, I mean Shigeno... don't you want to pitch now?” Komori asked expectantly.

Goro had feared that question. Because he knew that he wouldn't be able to answer truthfully. He tried to laugh it off but as he was about to decline, almost every single cell in his body screamed _I do._

Goro knew he couldn't avoid answering, but he still tried to delay it.

“You can call me Honda if you want,” _it reminds me of my dad;_ “But sorry, my injury's still not completely healed so I'm not allowed to pitch for now.”

Komori seemed just as disappointed as he looked worried.

“Is it your shoulder again? That's too bad... I was looking forward to catch some of your pitches again.”

“Then we'll just have to visit you again sometime when you're better!” Sawamura quickly said in an attempt to lighten the mood. Goro laughed in agreement wishing he could fully give in to the illusion that this would actually work out.

Sawamura threw a few more balls but Goro didn't have much else to say.

In the end he felt like not participating would just get him more questions so he tried to think of something he could do in his condition.

“Alright! Let's see how you do against a batter,” Goro said before picking up his bat and walking up to Komori who was still crouched down on the ground.

“I'll go easy on you though, can't accidentally smash a window with a home run, can I!” Goro added once he was ready. Them playing in their backyard turned out to be a convenient cover for Goro's inability to swing with anything more than a fraction of his strength.  
But the fact that almost half of Sawamura's pitches were outside the strike zone also helped to make it more bearable...

“What's wrong? Where's your control from before?” Goro taunted.  
Sawamura stammered a weak excuse but as if out of spite, he also became a lot more focused afterwards.

Soon after, Goro silently began to curse his remark.

Every time his bat connected with one of the pitches, pain ran through his shoulder for a brief moment. It had only been a few days since he was allowed to take off the sling. The joint still felt a bit stiff and even though he had been told to do some light exercise to get back in shape, this probably wasn't what his doctor had in mind.  
But Goro didn't want to stop. If this was all he could do from now on, he didn't want to wait any second longer than he had to in order to get back into the game. And if his shoulder was permanently damaged anyway, what worse could happen now...

With every ball Goro hit, he felt his worries fly away with it, bit by bit. For the first time since the diagnosis he felt somewhat at ease. But he also realized that his shoulder was still not ready for anything more than rehab exercises.

“Are you okay? We don't have to keep going if you're injured,” Sawamura worriedly asked after Goro stopped midway in a swing.

For the last few pitches Goro couldn't hide the pain in his expression anymore. His mind wanted nothing more than to just keep swinging, hitting his frustration away ball for ball. But the pain in his shoulder slowly grew stronger than his desire. And without the pressure and excitement of a real game, it was hard to ignore it.  
Between quiet pants he answered, “Just a few more. Your pitches have really gotten better.”

Partly due to the praise, Sawamura just took Goro's word for it and pitched a couple more fastballs. But after Goro visibly flinched as his bat made contact Komori called off their game.

He was about to say something to Goro when Momoko came out of the house, carrying a tray with some drinks and rice balls. “Are you boys hungry? There is more inside so eat as much as you-” she froze once she saw Goro still holding his bat, his face slightly twisted from the pain pulsing through his shoulder.

“Goro, what are you doing! You still need to rest!” Momoko put down the tray on the nearby table and rushed to her son.

“It's fine, we were just playing a bit,” Goro said trying to play down the situation.

He put away his bat to the other baseball equipment next to the garden shed, half in an attempt to avoid eye contact with any of the others.

“They came all the way here, and who knows when I'll ever get this chance again.”

Unknown to his friends, the implication in Goro's words left his mother unable to say anything in return.

“Okay, just make sure you don't overdo it,” she said trying to be stern, trying not to blame herself for what had happened three weeks ago.

“Yeah, yeah. We're actually done already.”

Goro turned around and faced everyone again with the best smile he could muster.

Even his mother seemed to relax a little and turned to the others after giving her son a soft smile.

“Alright, then how about you three eat and then Goro can show you around the town. It's such a nice day today!”

After exerting so much energy just now, the three boys happily agreed and rushed to the table where Goro's mother left the tray with the food. Midway Komori exclaimed that he had forgotten something and dashed inside only to appear again a few moments later, carrying a small notebook.

“From the team,” he said happily while handing it to Goro.

Inside the notebook were messages from every member of Mifune Little. Each and every one of them read completely different from each other. Some were well-wishes, some friendly complaints about his departure. Some featured drawings, some memories of his time in Kanagawa, others stories of the time after he moved. They all carried the personality of whoever wrote them. And reading through these messages, Goro felt a longing for a place that was no longer his.

“We haven't written anything in there yet because we're the ones visiting you. It barely even worked out to have everyone else write something before we had to leave,” Komori said when Goro reached the end.

“Yeah, and it would have been weird to have you read our message when we're right in front of you...” Sawamura added looking a little embarrassed.

“Does that mean Shimizu wanted to come, too? She hasn't written anything either.”

“Dude, if she was here she probably would have killed you already. You have no idea how upset she was when you left. I wouldn't even be surprised if she'll stop playing baseball altogether.”

Goro's shoulders sank as he processed Sawamura's words.

Ever since the last time he visited Mifune Little's training ground, Goro had done his best to not feel guilty, to not regret his decision of leaving quietly. And even now he didn't regret it per se, but... Goro didn't want to think that he was the reason one of his friends couldn't enjoy baseball anymore. Especially since he was the reason she started it to begin with. And as much as she annoyed him sometimes, Goro didn't want Shimizu to be hurt either.

“We tried to get her to write something but she hasn't even been to practice recently. And when we went to her house she didn't want to see us either,” Komori quietly said with a downcast expression.

“Well if she doesn't want to see to us there's nothing we can do. Apparently not even coach could could do anything when we asked him to talk to her about it,” Sawamura added.

Much like Goro, Sawamura tried to downplay his emotions. But it was clear that all three of them felt dejected.

“I'm sure she'll come around,” Goro said after the silence became uncomfortable; “You don't just give your all like she did to never play baseball again!”

Goro wanted to believe this more than anything. And he felt like now more than ever he had to cling to this belief.

“Yeah!” “You're right!”

His friends seemed to agree.

 

Once they were done eating, Goro showed them around the town. There wasn't too much to see in the area where they were living and Goro tried to make their visit at Hakata Little's training ground as brief as possible so they wouldn't run into any of his _other_ former teammates.  
But he thoroughly enjoyed the company of his friends, joking around with them, laughing, and just talking about nothing.

They didn't really have a plan for the afternoon or a clear goal so they just went from place to place, to the point where Goro was probably the only one who still knew how to get back.  
Somewhere along the way the three of them bought some ice cream and Goro led them to the nearby river as the sun was slowly beginning to set.  
After the talk with his dad, this place carried some new emotional meaning for Goro. Becoming a southpaw seemed like an exciting idea at first. He desperately wanted to cling to pitching and if this was the only way for him to do so, Goro was willing to give it his all. But it was hard not to feel like all his work up to now was practically for nothing if the change meant relearning almost everything without any guarantee he'd be anywhere near as good as he used to be as a right handed pitcher.  
For the last week the glove he got that day had been lying around in his room, unused. He never even got to properly break it in. His initial excitement soon gave way to worry and ever since he was allowed to freely move his right arm again, his dad was too busy with work to play catch with him. Probably. Goro had never actually asked.

“But really, I'm glad I have a better picture of where you're living now Honda, uh I mean... Shigeno...” Sawamura said.

“Haha, I still don't mind if you call me Honda,” Goro laughed as he sat down on the still warm concrete ground near the river bank; “You can also call me Goro if you'd prefer that _Ryouta_ ~”

The teasing remark just added to Sawamura's initial embarrassment and as he stammered his reply, attempting to play it off cool, Komori just giggled and sat down next to Goro. Sawamura quickly followed suit and the three of them quietly looked at the river that was tinted in reddish hues by the sinking evening sun.

Somehow the situation was enough for Goro to let his guard down.

“Thanks for visiting me,” he said in a moment of honest vulnerability that had been more than rare that day; “I think I really needed that...”

Komori and Sawamura looked like they weren't sure how to answer. The way Goro said it didn't sound like he wanted a reply. But they were sure that there was more behind his words than they initially implied.

“You know, it really isn't the same without you,” Sawamura eventually broke the silence.

“The team is still doing their best and we've been improving little by little, but... I think we all had a lot more fun when you were still there.”

“B-but it's not like we blame you! We know it couldn't be helped,” Komori jumped in worriedly.

“Still, going without a word was harsh. Did we mean that little to you?”

Sawamura didn't mean to sound judgmental but even so, he couldn't help that the pent up frustration and hurt of Goro's sudden departure welled up inside of him.

This time Goro felt like he really had to give a direct answer.

“N-no, sorry about that...” he said slowly giving in to the nostalgic feelings that had kept building up ever since his friends arrived; “I told coach Ando this already but-”

“ _'Goodbye is the word you hate the most'_...” Sawamura completed, sounding more sad than angry.

“Yeah,” Goro chuckled quietly; “I actually tried to say goodbye in my own way that day, but I guess I was the only one who thought of it like that.”

They remained silent for a moment before Goro continued:

“To be honest, I think if you didn't mean anything to me I wouldn't have had trouble saying goodbye. It's because I didn't want to part ways that I...”

Goro could feel his chest tighten and his gaze trailed off in a direction where the others couldn't see the damp glimmer in his eyes.

“It's okay,” Komori said in an attempt to comfort the other two; “I'm just glad we got to see each other again and play catch together!”

“Yeah,” they replied in unison.

It wasn't long before Komori made note of the time and Goro jumped up, urging the others to hurry back if they wanted to avoid a scolding for being late for dinner. Although he was sure his guests would be much better off should it ever come to that...

The mood lightened significantly as they ran back the streets they had come through and when they finally arrived back at Goro's place, they were more than out of breath, but almost in time.

“Jeez, where were you? I was about to go look for you three.”

Goro's mother was already standing in the entrance when they opened the door but much to Goro's relief she looked more worried than upset.

“Sorry, we kinda got sidetracked for a bit,” he laughed as the other two came in and closed the door behind them.

“Alright, dinner is almost ready. Just wash your hands and come to the living room, you can take a bath later.”

As they took off their shoes, Goro could feel his hunger set in and judging from the sound of growling stomachs, the other two were much the same. They did as they were told and after helping his mother set the table, Goro sat down next to his friends, barely able to put off eating dinner for even another second.

“Will Mr. Shigeno not be here tonight?” Komori asked eventually as the other two boys were wolfing down the food as if it was their last meal on earth.

“No, he's away for a game so he won't be back before tomorrow,” Momoko answered and promptly gave Goro a wordless look as if to remind him to mind his manners.

“He's been away so much it's almost as if he doesn't live here anymore,” Goro grumbled between bites.

“Goro! He's working hard for his team! You of all people shouldn't-” she stopped mid sentence as she realized where this thought was leading her. She wanted to openly talk to him about _that_ game, but at the same time she wasn't confident she would really be able to do so.  
For now Goro's mother decided to change the topic and postpone the talk until Goro's friends went back to Kanagawa.

“So how do you like it in Fukuoka? Goro showed you around, right?”

“It looks nice, I'm sure it's pleasant to live here!” Komori answered politely.

“Yeah, but it's so hot...” Sawamura added.

“It really is,” Momoko replied laughing; “But I've been told that this year is especially hot so apparently it's not always this bad.”

 

Dinner ended before too long and the three boys went back up to Goro's room. He told the other two to take a bath first and while they waited for it to be ready, Goro turned on his old game console to pass the time.

Sawamura went first and Goro and Komori quietly stayed behind.  
After wordlessly playing the game for a bit Goro's friend eventually tried to rekindle their conversation from before.

“I'm sorry we brought up bad memories. I'm sure moving out here wasn't easy for you either.”

Goro appreciated the gesture, but after he almost ended up crying in front of his friends he was somewhat afraid of opening up too much.

“Yeah, but it wasn't too bad in the end. As it turns out you can find baseball loving people almost anywhere!”

“I'm sure you'll fit into any team if you want to,” Komori laughed; “And I'm sure they're happy to have you, too.”

There was a bittersweet undertone in Komori's voice and Goro was reminded why he didn't like goodbyes.  
He wasn't even sure how to answer without risking to say anything about how he wasn't even part of this team anymore.

In any case, not saying anything seemed to be okay too. And this time the silence felt familiar instead of uncomfortable.

Before too long Sawamura returned and Komori left to take a bath. The atmosphere in the room changed just as quickly as Goro's friends switched places. Sawamura tried to break the silence with some lighthearted joking, but even to Goro it seemed more forced than usual.

After being silent for a short while, Sawamura took a deep breath and followed up his previous attempts to break the silence in a more serious manner.

“I... I'm actually thinking about quitting baseball.”

“Huh?” Goro was taken aback. “What do you mean?”

Sawamura still looked uncomfortable but even just having said this basic fact seemed to have eased the burden of what was weighing on him.

“I'm not cut out to be a pitcher. And other than running I'm not really good at anything else either and...” he bit his lip and stared to the side without really looking at anything.

“It really was a lot more fun when you were still there. The whole team was a lot livelier. I... I can't fill that void!”

Goro wanted to say something but before he could think of anything, Sawamura already continued.

“I'm probably going to start playing soccer again next spring. I was happy at Mifune but more than playing baseball, I think I just wanted to play baseball with _you_.”

They remained silent. Looking back, Sawamura had seemed unusually tense all day. And his words just now sounded like he hadn't told anybody else about his plan yet.

“I'm sure the others will understand,” Goro said eventually.

“You don't have to force yourself to play baseball if you don't want to. It's not like you owe it to anybody!”

Goro wasn't sure what kind of reaction Sawamura had expected, but he seemed positively taken aback.

Sawamura smiled softly.

“I guess you're right.”

First Komori, now Sawamura. Goro chuckled quietly as he thought about how both of them had more guts to open up about the baggage they carried from his departure than he had.  
He briefly wondered just what he was afraid of.

Still, caught up in the moment he pushed his insecurities away just long enough to try and honestly talk to his friend.

“You know, a-actually -”

But Goro was interrupted by Komori returning from his bath.  
As his room's door shut again, the anxiety keeping him from opening up regained its grasp on Goro.

He still wasn't ready to say out loud that he may have to quit baseball.  
And dejected about his inability to be honest with his friends, he excused himself and left the room.

Goro walked towards the bathroom. A soft scent of soap already lingered in the hallway as he approached the half shut door it originated from.

His mind was still back in his room, and the things his friends told him just minutes ago. The things he couldn't say.

He absentmindedly undressed, slightly struggling as he took off his shirt.  
Maybe today really had been too much for his shoulder. As light as the fabric of his shirt was, it felt incredibly good when it was gone. The warm, humid air felt calming and being alone, not having anyone watching him, not having to pass as perfectly okay, was immensely relieving. Just now Goro felt how tense he had been all day.

As the lukewarm water rinsed his body, washing him clean off all the sweat, dirt, and stress that had built up over the day, Goro noticed how he was getting more and more relaxed. He felt his mind get calmer until most of his worries were on hold. At least until he would leave the room again.

A few minutes later, when he deemed himself clean enough and when he managed to separate himself from the stream of water, he carefully entered the bath, cautious not to put too much weight on his right arm as he sat down.  
Goro submerged himself in the water and closed his eyes. His body felt warm and light. Everything was quiet. Everything felt peaceful.  
Slowly he slid down further and further until only his face broke the surface of the water. And eventually he was completely submerged. Goro stayed like this for as long as he could hold his breath. His eyes were closed and the only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat. The muffled sounds from outside made it seem like this was all that existed, like nothing else mattered. It was as if only these sensations remained. And for a brief moment Goro wished that he could stay like this forever.

Goro stayed in the bath until his fingertips were wrinkled. His skin felt pleasantly soft and he slowly dried himself with his towel as the seemingly stronger pull of gravity grounded him in reality again. At least a little bit.

He put on his shorts and cleared part of the steamy mirror with his hand. The bruise on his shoulder was already turning yellowish but it was big enough to still look somewhat baleful.  
Goro cautiously moved his arm trying to ascertain just how much he could move before it hurt. Over the day his main priority had been to hide that he had any trouble, not to test how far he could safely push himself in this state.

The answer wasn't something he was very happy with. His shoulder joint felt more than sore. Little by little his worries returned. And with them all kinds of feelings.  
The day had been nostalgic overall. And he was constantly reminded of his time at the Mifune Dolphins.

Goro didn't regret what happened. But seeing the impact his departure has had on everyone, he couldn't really feel good about it either.

But ultimately Goro didn't get to think much about it, as a cautious knock on the door interrupted his train of thought just before it was opened only a second later.

“Honda? Are there any spare towels here? I um... kinda spilled a glass of water and-”

Sawamura came in so quickly that Goro didn't get a chance to put on his shirt and as he felt the other boy stare at his shoulder, the heavy feeling in his stomach grew stronger than it had been all day.

“W-what happened to your shoulder?”

Sawamura froze in his tracks. The yellowish bruise covering Goro's right shoulder was already well under way in the healing process but the severity of the injury was visible nonetheless.

Goro didn't want this confrontation. Aside from his earlier attempt, he hadn't planned on telling Komori and Sawamura about the actual extent of his injury. He still wasn't planning to. But as he felt his friend's shocked stare lingering on his shoulder, it started to occur to Goro that maybe this wasn't his choice to make anymore.

“It's fine, don't worry about it.”

Trying to brush it off like always, Goro gave Sawamura a smile with as much confidence as he could muster. ' _It looks worse than it is_ _'_ was what he actually tried to convey. But in the end of the day he didn't feel comfortable outright lying about it. It seemed like he would just be running away from reality if he suggested his injury actually wasn't as bad as an almost healed bruise.

And with all the running away he had already done, Goro didn't want to make it any worse.

Either way, Sawamura didn't seem to buy his attempted reassurance.

“Are you sure, this looks-”

“I said it's fine!”

Goro didn't mean to raise his voice.

All his feelings of panic and uncertainty suddenly rose to the surface. He didn't mean to vent his frustration. It wasn't Sawamura's fault, he knew that. He just stumbled into a situation neither of them expected or particularly wanted.

But all of a sudden Goro felt like there was no escape anymore. That he was forced to face the reality of his situation head on. And to him it felt like he had been stuck in a swamp of anxiety and fear, only now noticing how far he had sunken already.  
Goro didn't mean for this to happen.

And he didn't mean to cry in front of his friend.

“H-Honda?” Sawamura asked visibly flustered.

Goro felt defenseless. But as the moments passed, he became unsure if that feeling really was so bad.

“It's fine, it's gonna be fine,” he repeated half to himself between quiet sobs, unable to keep his emotions in check any longer.

Sawamura wasn't sure how to respond. He was sure that Goro didn't want anyone to see him like this, but he also felt like he couldn't just turn around and leave.

He hesitantly took a step forward and stood still as if he was waiting for Goro to tell him to stay back. When that didn't happen, he slowly continued his advance with a little more determination in his steps.

In front of Goro, Sawamura instinctively moved to spread out his arms but stopped, wondering if that really was what Goro wanted.  
But as subtle as his gesture had been, it seemed to have been enough. Just seconds after, Sawamura could feel his friend stagger forward, feel him rest his head against his shoulder, wrap his arms around his back. He had never seen Goro like this. But perplexed as he was, he carefully returned the gesture and embraced Goro.

“I just don't know what to do,” Goro muttered quietly before his voice failed him. His grip tightened as Sawamura could feel a wet spot form on his shirt on top of his shoulder.

“I might not be able to play baseball again.”

 

Saying what he had been afraid to admit was both a blessing and a curse as far as Goro was concerned. His mind felt a lot clearer and the weight on his shoulders had shrunken significantly.

But with it, all his delusions of normality were suddenly gone.

For the first time he had said out loud what he had never wanted to say. And he was finally forced to accept that this was his reality now.

Sawamura looked more shocked about Goro's words than he did about the bruise on his shoulder. Or maybe it was simply the state Goro was in.

It took a while until Goro was calm again. All the pent up frustration from the last few weeks was released all at once. He couldn't remember when he last cried this much. Especially not in front of someone else.

Eventually Goro let go of Sawamura and took a step backwards, unable to make eye contact.

“S-sorry,” he said quietly; “And thanks...”

Sawamura wasn't quite sure where to start. There were a lot of things he wanted to ask, but before he could decide what he wanted to know the most, Goro already began answering one of his questions.

“In the final round I basically did the same thing as in the game against Yokohama Little. Just that my shoulder was already injured...”

Sawamura swallowed uncomfortably. He knew what condition Goro had been in after the last game he pitched for the Mifune Dolphins. And he could only imagine how much worse it must have been after his latest game.

“S-so how bad is it?”

Goro smiled wryly before looking away with a sullen expression.

“The doctor said I'll never pitch again.”

As he looked at his friend, Goro realized another reason why he didn't want to say anything. The heavy feeling he had been carrying on his own now seemed to be evenly spread between the two of them.

“But there are other ways!” he said trying his best to sound reassuring; “I could switch to being a batter. Like my dad did!”

It was true that this was a possibility but deep down Goro knew that this wasn't what he wanted and slowly but surely, this realization worked its way up to the surface.

“I'm just afraid that baseball won't be the same if I'm not on the mound...”

Once again they remained silent.

“I'm sure you can do it,” Sawamura eventually said with surprising conviction.

“You've always reached whatever goal you had so I'm sure you'll find a way to keep playing no matter what.”

The words themselves were already comforting, but the way Sawamura said it made them seem like they were simply a fact. For a moment it felt like there was no way it wouldn't be like he said.  
Goro still felt anxious and vulnerable, but for the first time since the talk with his dad last week, he didn't feel alone.

“Well, before I can try anything this shoulder has to heal. But thanks,” Goro said warmly; “This means a lot to me.”

As the mood returned more and more to normal, Sawamura remembered why he came there in the first place, quickly grabbed a towel and ran back outside.  
Goro finished getting dressed and ready for bed and once he was done, he started heading to his room as well.

Komori was already lying on his futon, half-asleep and only briefly looked up when Goro entered the room. Sawamura wasn't far off from that state either and it didn't take long before all three of them were in bed.

For a moment Goro lay awake, absentmindedly looking at the ceiling. As his eyes adjusted to the dark and the shapes in his room gradually became clearer in the faint moonlight, the soft breathing from the boys next to him became steady.  
The tiredness finally set in, but Goro felt happy. He was more at ease than he had been in weeks.  
And he felt less lonely than even just a few hours ago.

 

The next morning came before he knew it. When Goro woke up, he didn't feel as ecstatic anymore, but most of his determination was still there. Komori and Sawamura were already awake and after briefly washing up, the three of them headed downstairs for breakfast.

Goro felt like there was some tension between them although he wasn't quite sure if he was just imagining it. What happened between Sawamura and him last night was something he definitely didn't want to bring up in front of others, but the fact that neither of them seemed to acknowledge it felt just as strange. His situation wasn't exactly a secret anymore, even if nobody talked about it.  
Actually... Out of everyone at the breakfast table, Komori was the only one who didn't know. Goro felt somewhat bad about that, but he knew that this wasn't the place or time to tell him.

Still, for a moment Goro wondered if Komori had picked up on whatever tension was between Sawamura and him. It wasn't anything particular, just that he seemed somewhat tense as well.

Breakfast ended without major incidents and the three boys decided to continue their town tour from yesterday. Ready to leave, Sawamura went towards the front door but Komori stopped in front of the stairs, pausing a moment before speaking up.

“I'm just gonna get something real quick, you can go ahead if you want.”

With this he headed upstairs and Goro and Sawamura briefly looked at each other.

“What's he talking about, without you to guide us he probably wouldn't even get back to the station.”

Goro let out a chuckle but now he was pretty sure that something was up. The two of them waited for a couple of minutes without any sign of Komori returning.

Eventually Goro grew about as worried as he was impatient and excused himself to see what was up. He headed upstairs to his room, briefly wondering if he should knock before quickly deciding against it. It was _his_ room after all.  
Goro entered and immediately saw his friend standing in the middle of the room, looking at nothing in particular. Komori turned around when he heard the door open and nervously smiled at Goro.

“H-hey, Honda...”  
Goro was about to ask Komori what was wrong, but decided to give Komori the time to tell him on his own.  
It didn't take long until he did.

“I'm sorry, yesterday I... Sawamura was gone for so long that I got worried and followed him and, um... I, I heard what you two were talking about.”

He clenched his fists and looked downwards.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I went back as soon as I realized that I wasn't supposed to hear this but... but... is your injury really that bad? You really won't be able to pitch again?”

Komori started to tremble but still didn't meet Goro's gaze.

“If I had known, I-”

“You're not beating yourself up over that game of catch, are you. I'm fine. In fact I feel a lot better than I did before you two came here!”

“But...”

Goro didn't know just how much or even what Komori had heard last night. If he had heard him break down and cry his frustration away. If he had only heard that his shoulder injury was more serious than he had told them.  
He still didn't feel very comfortable talking about this topic and could gradually feel the heavy feeling in his stomach return. But Goro knew that he owed it to Komori to be as honest with him as he had been with Sawamura.

“If you want to know if I'll ever pitch again-”

And he could feel his resolve slowly form again.

“Who knows. Dad proposed I'd switch to being a southpaw. He even got me a new glove,” Goro laughed as he remembered how out-there the suggestion had sounded at first.

Initially he only meant to reassure Komori, but as the tension in the room eased, he could feel himself get more relaxed as well.

“It'll take a lot of effort to even get decent, not being a leftie and all. But...” and all of a sudden Goro felt a change in how he saw his situation.

“In a way it seems like a nice challenge!”

Maybe all he had needed was to talk about his insecurities. Maybe all he had needed was to get some reassurance from his friends.

Suddenly it seemed ridiculous how depressed he had felt just yesterday and Goro couldn't help but laugh.

Komori finally looked up and Goro could see some of the worries disappear from his friend's expression.

“Now that I think about it, I still haven't broken that glove in. Want to do that right now?”

Komori seemed equally confused, relieved, and... excited.

“Yeah!” he replied as some of Goro's enthusiasm spilled over. Goro grabbed the brand-new glove he had hidden in his closet and the two of them rushed downstairs, where a bored Sawamura was waiting for them.

“Jeez, what took you so-”

“Change of plans, we're gonna play catch!” Goro shouted excitedly before immediately heading towards the back yard.

Komori smiled apologetically at Sawamura before leaving as well.

“Man, what's up with those two?” Sawamura sighed before following his friends, feeling somewhat relieved that apparently Goro really hadn't given up on baseball after all.

 

The three of them quickly found their way outside and started playing catch. The game was much more casual than the previous day. It took Goro some time to get used to throwing with his left hand and even then the best he could manage was to throw somewhat close to one of the others' glove, with little of his usual speed or control present.

They laughed a lot and the distance that Goro had previously put between him and his friends gradually shrank.

He had stayed at arm's length from them in the delusion that it would make things easier, but every time he caught the ball, every time he threw it to one of his friends, he realized that it had made it all the harder to reach out to them. And how much he had really wanted that.

It was only a few minutes ago that he first found interest in the challenge to switch his throwing hand, but it quickly became clear how much work it would take to become a southpaw pitcher.  
Still, right in that moment, it seemed doable.

And playing with his friends was all the motivation he needed. He wanted to keep playing baseball. And he wanted to do so as a pitcher.

 

As the last weeks' insecurity drifted further and further away, Goro finally felt his spirits return. He wasn't going to give up just now.  
And, he thought, as long as he had people like Komori and Sawamura in his life, he might just never give up.

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I'm really sorry it took me so long again to post this.  
> I started it pretty much right after watching the movie (and starting season 2) and roughly three quarters of this story were done back in April. But things happened and during the only time where I had the chance to finish it I lost access to the hard drive it was on.  
> Then work took over my life again and I just barely managed to finish it today because I figured June 5th is about as close to a 56 as we'll get this year :'D  
> Major has quickly become one of my favorite series and I actually expected to write a lot more about it, but by the time I finished this one fic I had already long finished (binge-)watching all seasons and OVAs.  
> I'm pretty sure I'll revisit it eventually but right now I don't have any concrete ideas.
> 
> Anyway, half the reason I wrote this is because there has been a severe lack of Sawamura after the end of season 1 (and also Komori after season 2) and I really liked the idea of the three of them meeting up during this fairly difficult time for Goro.  
> I had a few more ideas for scenes that would focus more one Komori, Sawamura, and their respective problems but couldn't find a good place to fit them in without disrupting the general flow. It ended up pretty Goro-centric but even if it's not exactly what I originally planned, I'm still pretty happy with how it turned out.
> 
> All that aside, thank you so much for reading this fic and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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